19 April 2005

Pope Benedict XVI

Yes, as a Catholic, especially one who still attends Mass every week, I should really have more on my blog about everything going on in the Church.

But, first, because I'm also a joker, a couple random funny thoughts on the topic, and you should appreciate the risk of being struck down by lightning I'm taking here:

When the Pope goes out for breakfast (hey, it could happen), the following might happen:
Waiter: "And how would you like your eggs, Benedict."
Pope: "I thought there was only one way to have them."
Waiter: "No, there are many ways to have eggs, Benedict."
Pope: "I'm confused. What I want is two eggs and Canadian bacon on an English muffin with Hollandaise sauce."
Waiter: "Oh, I see. So you want eggs benedict? I'm sorry, I thought you just wanted plain eggs, Benedict."
Pope: "That is what I want."
Waiter: "So that's a 'no' on the eggs benedict."
Pope: "I'm confused."

Headline next day: Pope's Mental State Declining

One more funny thought (I'm just full of it lately). To better acquaint the American public with the idea of a conclave, develop a television show on it, based on one currently on.

"The C.C." (*for "College of Cardinals")--A brooding young bishop from the wrong side of the tracks (America, maybe the Netherlands) becomes a stand-up guy at the Vatican and is appointed a Cardinal. He doesn't talk much and is always involved in fist fights. Work with me here. No one goes binge drinking in Tijuana (much), but there's this one crazy nun who likes to throw pool furniture.

"Vatican Idol"--Fox would greenlight anything with the word "Idol" in it, right? Gregorian Chant week would be a welcome change from Disco Week.

"SuperConclave XXXVI"--This isn't really about the conclave or even the Catholic church, but you were just watching for wardrobe malfunctions and the commercials anyways. You'll be sure to find out who became Pope so you don't look dumb the next morning at the water cooler.


"Lost"--Hey, that Vatican looks pretty big, you know. And I suspect the Korean guy has trouble fitting in there too. We might have to go without the polar bear. Might. It would make for some unforgettable moments, though:
Cardinal George: "We only need a couple more votes, Cardinal Francis."
C.F.: "Okkaaayy, I guess in that case I'll vote for......AAAHHHH! The bear got me!!!!"
C.G.: "But who were you going to vote for?"
C.G.: "Sounds like 'Ratzinger' to me."
Cardinal Edwards: "We're still one vote short though."
C.G: "Can the bear talk?"

"Desperate Cardinals"--All is not well on Wisteria Lane (I told you, that Vatican is big, it's even got streets inside!). You know what, I just can't work with this one. Anyone out there have any ideas? Not as easy as it looks, is it? Besides, the title makes it sound like an Audubon special on PBS.

That's all for now, and unfortunately I never got to the serious stuff. I'll add that in the next entry--I know you all love the serious stuff anyways!


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