11 May 2005

End-Of-The-Year Party!!

Who wouldn't want to blow off post-exam stress by going to a drunken orgy and just losing yourself in a pulsing, thobbing throng of careless, drunken humanity? Me, that's who. I'm not a tee-totaller (is that even spelled right?). I don't feel some moral superiority to the people who need to "lose themselves," who need to just "go out and get s&%^faced." Yes, I actually am quoting, because I don't know the lingo. The weird thing is, I thought I was going to the big law student party at The Dollar (named that because--I don't know, something to do with the price of longnecks maybe). It was on my mental agenda. And not to drink, not even to really watch people get drunk, but just to make my appearance, say "hey, wassup, how'd exams go blah blah blah yada yada" and then say my goodbyes. However, first on the agenda was a post-exams dinner/quasi-birthday party (quasi because the actual birthdays being celebrated are forthcoming) with some of my more temperate friends. It was very laid back, good conversation, and held at The Post, which was nicely vacant for a night like tonight, when each hot spot in town was hosting its own destressing festivities. And the best part, I think, was that no one put up a front. We all admitted to being tired. People yawned and rubbed eyes. Exams were tough, the semester was tough, life was tough. But we survived, and rather than wrack our physical selves with alcohol and noise and who knows what else, we all had enough sense to know that maybe, just this once, we could admit that we were a little beyond that. The fact that I was the only single guy there was a little disconcerting--the fact that I could actually become involved in most of the conversation was, too.

Overall, a very good time. Relaxing, nice, sincere. All those good things. Elvira came along, too, since she deserves the post-exam destressing as much as us law students (and she fits in remarkably well with all my friends--just that kind of person who fits in anywhere, except maybe an AARP convention, and even then she'd find something to talk about...). We were going to head to The Dollar afterwards, but I realized that I didn't need to, and that was very freeing, that realization that I didn't care about seeing any of the people there. They'd all be too out of it to remember anyways. Suddenly I didn't want to try to be something I'm not.

But for as good as everything was--and it was--when I first came home from the dinner, I couldn't help but think, however, that something was missing. And this bothers me. I guess I'm guilty of overanalyzing everything, but this time my feelings seem valid. I just--I don't know. I get along with G, S, R, and K just fine. Something changed in the dynamic, though. It's like the difference between a summer day in early June and one in late August. The latter has a hint of autumn in it--and you know something is coming to an end. All the data points to the fact that the temperature is the same, and the sun is shining just as bright, but something is different. Something. And it's real. Maybe it's just me. Maybe my perspective has changed, or maybe my friends are different. Can that much really change in a couple months, though? I don't know, but it bothers me. I walked away from the get-together tonight feeling a nagging sense of melancholy, of not-quite-rightness, and I just don't know why. A sense of things pulling apart somewhat. I guess all I can hope for is that they'll all change at the same time and we'll arrive back together at the same point in the end.

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