02 May 2005

Exam Update + A Top Ten list

Because I can, and because it's all that is going on in my life right now, and I'm totally not kidding about that, here's a brief update on exams, followed (hopefully) by some lighter fare. Just finished Basic Income Taxation A, and I think I might have failed it. I'm not exaggerating here. I tend to underestimate my own abilities academically a lot of times; this is not one of those times. This is a new experience for me, and one I hope to never have again. Amazing, that I can walk out of my last exam feeling downright jubilant, and walk out of those one with a little defeatist cloud over my head. Totally underestimated Prof. Christian's ability to write a super hard exam for a 2 credit class. Totally. And now, I have another exam in a class she teaches: Estate and Gift Taxation. Joy. Again, all multiple choice. I hate multiple choice. Hate scantrons. Hate number two pencils. There, I'm done now.

Now, for some levity. Top ten ways to annoy your peers in the exam room:

(10) Heart attack.

(9) Scream "Yes" when you finally get that really tough multiple choice question. Better yet, do it like Meg Ryan did in the restaurant in "When Harry Met Sally..."

(8) Start softly crying...then move into laughter...then back into crying. See how many shifts you can make before angering the proctors.

(7) Shadow puppets. Flashlight optional. Noises encouraged.

(6) Start dancing in your chair like that girl in the Mitsubishi commercials did in the front seat (you know the one...)

(5) Finish in half an hour and look really optimistic about it.

(4) Write one sentence per bluebook to use up the limited supply given to the proctors.
(3) One quick phrase at any time "I think I'm gonna be sick!!....." [dry heaves] "False alarm, everyone." Repeat as necessary.
(2) Mumble the answers to yourself in your best impression of a Star Wars character, preferably Yoda or Chewie.

(1) When the proctor says "any questions?" actually ask questions. Lots of questions. Like:
>>>"What's a cell phone?"
>>>"Where are the restrooms exactly?"
>>>"When you say only one gender can go to the bathroom....define gender please?"
>>>"Are you married....you're soooo cute."
>>>"How much do they pay you for this? I'll double it if you leave...."
>>>"Is this a number two pencil?....What about this one?..., This one too?...."
>>>"What if we have a deathly allergy to paper that will kick in right about........?"
>>>"But I can use a regular phone, right? What about carrier pigeon?"

Not my best work, but good enough for a bit of post-exam relief.


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