29 June 2005

One of those days...

Have you ever had one of those days when you start out in a good mood only to have one thing after another go wrong? Today was one of those days, and normally that wouldn't be very interesting to write about, but for some reason it didn't get to me like it normally would. Work was rough the last two days, not in terms of efficiency, but in terms of me getting a lot of constructive criticism (read: blame) from a lot of people for various things. Class was rough on Monday, when we had an actual pop quiz (that isn't supposed to happen in law school!). We've had eight point quizzes or take home quizzes every week, and this time he nails us with this awful 15 point, four part question on a Monday instead. Nice guy. And this afternoon was pretty much the final straw, when I went to a meeting with a Professor for whom I'm doing some research (who himself is doing the research for a big wig at our college). Let's just say that I had made a fatal assumption that caused me to look at the problem in the totally wrong way. This became evident exactly one minute into our meeting, at which point I was screwed and proceeded to really flounder. FLOUNDER. I never fully grasped the meaning of that word until now. I don't like being in that situation. In fact, I don't recall ever actually being in that situation, at least not to that degree. At one point I actually said "I'm really sorry for wasting your time like this." That was about as coherent as I got, too. Obviously, I'll be better prepared at our next tete a tete. Hopefully.

But back to my main point. Despite all this unpleasant stuff (added to a bunch of other minor annoyances), I felt okay. After swearing a few times in the elevator (I only had a three floor ride, so not much time for that), I was eerily calm. In fact, I can't remember a time when I haven't let things like this quietly eat away at me for some time. I'm a perfectionist, and one who doesn't quickly forget his shortcomings/mistakes. Luckily I'm only like this with myself, not the people around me, or I might be really unbearable to be around. Today, though, I seemed to have this perspective, that none of it was a big deal. Maybe this is a fluke, or maybe it means I'm growing up a little. I remember my Mom saying, quite often, that someday I'd be old enough that I'd realize the only thing that matters is making other people happy and being around people who make me happy, and that I wouldn't care about all the other random stuff that happens. She said it in Mom lingo of course, so it sounded much more profound. But I think I've captured the basic idea, and so have a lot of other philosophical types. I used to think all those things she said were just a panacea for my wounded pride, but more and more of them are starting to be true. Scary :)

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